How to have a brave conversation

Have you ever been in a conversation that’s gotten a little heated and someone says, “Well, let’s just agree to disagree?”

I have, and I can tell you from my experience that whenever someone uses that phrase on me, I never feel good afterwards. I always feel like my mother just stepped in and regulated me to a timeout chair. Not a bad thing, but the energy that created the judgment between us (and that’s what it is—judgment) is still present and will definitely come back around.

Why does judgment happen? The majority of it happens in conversations where someone feels they are right and the other person is wrong and both are trying their best to convince the other to agree with their point of view.

Insanity happens when each feel their point of view is all that matters because it’s wrapped up in the way they feel about themselves. They have to win. The other person has to see it their way, the only right way in order for them to validate their worth. Things will get heated, the conversation digresses into yelling, bullying, name calling, sometimes it becomes physical. People are estranged and disinherited over crazy stuff. Relationships end, careers dissolve. Miscommunication becomes war.

If you are judging another, no one wins. Judgment is violence. Non-judgment is not the opposite of judgment. Acceptance is. Acceptance brings unity, and peace is the result.

So how do you talk to someone when you know you are judging them?

Accept that you are experiencing judgment which is happening within you. Then take a deep breath, center yourself and try again. This is where bravery comes in. Tell the person that you are feeling judgment towards them and don’t like the feeling. Tell them that you want to understand their point of view if they’re willing to share it with you. This is accepting that the other person is entitled to their point of view and you’re willing to listen in order to understand something you currently don’t. Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement.

Often this is the only thing you need do to end judgment. Once you understand why they feel like they do, most of the time you come to the conclusion that what else could they have chosen based on their perception of their experiences?

You may, or may not get the opportunity to share your viewpoint based on your experiences, but don’t ever make that your goal. They will ask if they want your information. If they don’t ask, they don’t want it, therefore they don’t need it. But you will have a better understanding of the person who shared with you, and you will feel better.

United doesn’t mean agreement, it means acceptance and understanding that there’s nothing to judge.      

And as always, I’m available for private or gallery sessions if you need deeper understanding, support, or guidance through energy work or intuitive life coaching.

If you’d like to learn a couple powerful techniques for having more energy, watch my free video Take Back Your Energy.

If you’d like to learn how to help bring more love to yourself, your families, your neighborhoods, cities, and the world, watch this video on a simple way to change fear energy to Love by using our waterways.